Chinese food ~ Lion Head

One of the most famous Chinese traditional New Year food, Lion Head. It’s got a scary name, but it really is just Chinese meat ball. However, this meat ball takes lots of hard work to make a real good one. I’m pretty confident that my mom’s lion head recipe is one of the best in the world. It’s got a lot of secret ingredients and methods to make her superb Lion Head.

I tried to make the Lion Head with my mom’s recipe. However, pork here in the states is VERY different from pork in Taiwan or Asia. So, I have to play with the recipe and add in some new creation to make the Lion Head close to perfection. After tons of experiments, it’s a success!! My husband was so excited that he couldn’t help taking photos while I was making it. He, by the way, was born in Taiwan but raised in the states. So, he is pretty much a typical american who loves gourmet food. I remember when he first had my mom’s lion head. He was so touched and amazed that a meat ball could taste like that. From that moment, I know that if I can make good food, I can pretty much control him. HAHAHA!! And that’s what motivates me.

Here are some photos of me making the lion head. I didn’t expect to be in the photos, so please excuse me that I was still in my pajamas.

Forming the meatball

Deep frying

Da…La….My beautiful Lion Head

Chinese Prosciutto!!

Chinese New Year is coming!! Since I haven’t been able to go back to Taiwan for more than a year now. I’m craving all kinds of food that we used to have during Chinese New Year holidays. Especially the Chinese Prosciutto! Gosh, I love it so much that I decided to make some for myself.

I don’t know how they make the italian prosciutto, which is one of my favorite food as well. But I believe the basic concept is the similar. We rub the pork with some really yummy spices, lots of salt, and than  soak it in premium liquor (Kao-Liang). And then, dry them in cold, dry air for a certain amount of time. Look at my yummy prosciutto-to-be! Can’t wait to try them.

I love Italian prosciutto raw or cooked. However, we normally don’t eat our Chinese prosciutto raw. We steam it and then slice it thinly, or to make it even more delicious, we sauté with garlic leek.  This is the most famous and must-have dish on Chinese New Year’s Eve.

Polyp

I just knew that things won’t go just smoothly with me. We did some ultrasound to check the uterus lining and some embryo transfer practice, and guess what they found in my uterus. A polyp! So, before we start our IVF, I need to undergo a surgery to remove the polyp. After that, the uterus needs to rest for 30 days before the stimulation shots.

When the doctor was looking at my uterus lining and she pointed out some oval shape “stuff” and said “Do you see that?” . She paused for probably less than a second before she told me what that is. And you know when it’s on a TV show or a movie, this sentence’s always followed with something like…” that’s the baby”.  So, within that second, so pathetically, my mind got crazy and kinda hoped that she would say it’s a baby. Not that I’m completely out of my mind. But I just happen to have friends who’d still have normal period the first two months of their pregnancy, or friends who’d get pregnant when they are on birth control pills. 

However, to be honest, when I found out there’s a polyp in my uterus. I wasn’t sad or angry as I thought I’d be. I was actually feeling a little bit relieved.  I’ve had everything checked up more than once during the past three years. All the doctors couldn’t find anything wrong with me, and yet I’m still not being able to get pregnant. I felt helpless. There’s nothing I can work on to fix the problem. Now, I feel like I’m fixing the problem. Weird?

Believe

Thank you. Both God and “You”. Maybe it’s God sending the message to me through you, or maybe it’s just you. I don’t know, but I’m thankful for both of you!

Today, one of my sister’s friend came over. I was telling them that I am determined to start working out and lose 3-5 pounds, at least. Reason? Once I start the shots for IVF, I will gain around 3 pounds because of the body fluid. Even though the fluid will go away by itself once I’m done with the stimulations. I just don’t want to look swollen when the time comes. He was laughing and say, “oh well, if you are talking about being swollen, I am the pro.” And it just hit me. 

He has a serious health condition that is currently not curable. The doctors can only prescribe him with some steroid to prevent it from getting worse. While he’s on the medication, he often experience some side effects, such as getting swollen, sleeping problem…etc. 

Me? I am just going through an IVF cycle which only last two months. The first 20 days are easy, since I’m on birth control pills.  How could I be so scared and complaining about the whole thing(the possible cure to our problem) while there are people suffering from diseases or fighting for their lives, not knowing when they can get out of it. 

All of sudden, I am clear and strong. I realized that I was just pitying myself. We’re actually really lucky that now the medical tech. is so advanced that there’s such a great solution for people like us. I still don’t know if we can get a baby eventually. But I believe that I have the strength to go through all this and stay positive. I Believe!

More Exams

Today, our nurse from SRM called me early in the morning. What a way to wake up! She was supposed to create my IVF calendar and email it to me. However, the doctor decided that I need to take more examinations. The good news is that I can start taking the birth control pills and have all exams done while I’m on the pills. No time is wasted. Good!

Waiting is never my thing. It’s really abnormal for me to wait for two years to do IVF. My worst weakness is “patience”. Most of the time, if I want something done, I want it to be done NOW! I hate sitting around and wait which is also why I think God will keep me waiting for so long for a kid. If there’s something I really need to learn in life, that would probably be learning to let go, to understand that some things are just beyond my control. So, why did I wait this time? Well, as I said, I couldn’t accept the fact that we’d have infertility problem earlier.  Most importantly, FEAR! 

I have a big voice. I am straight forward. I give people an impression that I’m fearless. On the contrary, I am a real chicken sometimes. I am afraid of pain or the idea of having pain. I get scared of blood draw, shots, acupuncture,  or even dental cleanse… You get the idea. As you can imagine, going through an IVF means lots of shots, retrieve the eggs…etc. So, the more knowledge I have of IVF, the more scared I am. I know what you’re thinking right now. Having a baby, getting pregnant, giving birth…all take lots of courage. If I couldn’t do IVF, how could I think I’m ready to be a mom. I know I know….but on top of all this, the greatest fear for me is I couldn’t bare the thought of failing to get pregnant with IVF. What if I still don’t get pregnant? How could I live with it? I don’t know if I can deal with it. I really don’t.

Facing the reality

The first baby I helped taking care of is now in college. It was when I was 13 years old. That was my mom’s friend’s first baby. She was a new mom and she lost her husband when the baby was only 45 days old. Sad, huh? I volunteered to take care of the baby while she was grieving. At first, they were all worried that I weren’t capable since I had no experience. But I just nailed it. No one needed to tell me what to do. I just somehow knew how to do diaper duty, feeding…etc. It was my natural skill. I started teaching kids since I was in college. Most people was wild and had a great time in college. Me? I tutored after school. Not because I need to make money for a living. I did it for the one and only reason -  I love kids! After that, I opened an English Language School. It was a great success. All the kids and their parents felt my passion. I’d often host a stay-over in our school on the weekends with no charge. Since I’m going to miss the kids if I don’t see them on the weekends anyway. It was a tough decision when I had to sell my school to move to the states with my lovely hubby. 

My husband and I have been actively trying to get pregnant for at least 3 years now. For the past two years or so, we tried IUI for 9 times and nothing happened. The doctor said that I have no problem, but my husband has lower sperm counts and sperm motility problem. But nothing serious enough to cause infertility. It’s just probably going to take longer to conceive. Having a baby is a dream of mine since I was 15. I know it’s weird. Not many people want to get pregnant at their teens. But I felt like this is why I was born. Born to love babies, children. Born to be a mom. So, I refuse to believe that we’d have infertility problems.

But since I am only growing older each day, each month, each cycle, I have to set a deadline for myself to start IVF before my ovary is to old for that and when my chance is still high.  We decided that this November cycle is going to be our last shot before we go into IVF. To maximumize the chance, we did an IUI. Sigh… Unfortunately, my period came today. If there’s anything I’m really good at, it’s Not Missing Even One Single Period. So frustrated! 

However, it just forced me to face the reality, accept that we do have some kind of infertility problem. I picked up the phone and called SRM (the infertility clinic we go to). Our nurse didn’t pick up the phone, so I had to leave a message. I just couldn’t help crying, sobbing while I was leaving the message. Very embarrassing, I know.  But I couldn’t care less.

New bird alert!

I’m so excited that I’m finally doing this! I have my first blog in English.

I was born and grew up in Taiwan. I met my hubby 7 years ago, got married and then moved to Seattle with him 5 years ago. This a whole new world to me. Culture shocks, language barriers…you name it. I never felt comfortable or confident enough with my English.  But I did feel very comfortable with all kinds of food right away. That explains why my weight is going straight up since we moved here. Ha! Anyways….please excuse me if my writing is not good enough or maybe sometimes some weird ways to express / describe things. I am doing my best and wanting to share my life with you through this blog.