More Exams

Today, our nurse from SRM called me early in the morning. What a way to wake up! She was supposed to create my IVF calendar and email it to me. However, the doctor decided that I need to take more examinations. The good news is that I can start taking the birth control pills and have all exams done while I’m on the pills. No time is wasted. Good!

Waiting is never my thing. It’s really abnormal for me to wait for two years to do IVF. My worst weakness is “patience”. Most of the time, if I want something done, I want it to be done NOW! I hate sitting around and wait which is also why I think God will keep me waiting for so long for a kid. If there’s something I really need to learn in life, that would probably be learning to let go, to understand that some things are just beyond my control. So, why did I wait this time? Well, as I said, I couldn’t accept the fact that we’d have infertility problem earlier.  Most importantly, FEAR! 

I have a big voice. I am straight forward. I give people an impression that I’m fearless. On the contrary, I am a real chicken sometimes. I am afraid of pain or the idea of having pain. I get scared of blood draw, shots, acupuncture,  or even dental cleanse… You get the idea. As you can imagine, going through an IVF means lots of shots, retrieve the eggs…etc. So, the more knowledge I have of IVF, the more scared I am. I know what you’re thinking right now. Having a baby, getting pregnant, giving birth…all take lots of courage. If I couldn’t do IVF, how could I think I’m ready to be a mom. I know I know….but on top of all this, the greatest fear for me is I couldn’t bare the thought of failing to get pregnant with IVF. What if I still don’t get pregnant? How could I live with it? I don’t know if I can deal with it. I really don’t.

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